OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
