Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How's work?
Spinning.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
