im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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