have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
