I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
