he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
