I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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