Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
