I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
