how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
