There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
