bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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