i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
