woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize