can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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