Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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