it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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