oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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