Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
