i was born a porn star she said
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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