Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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