Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
