i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
