I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
