i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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