Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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