Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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