When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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