Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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