they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
