I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
