I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize