why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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