Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
