Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
