I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
pray to the hookup gods
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
