So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
