I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
