And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
