they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
