I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
