I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
