Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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