I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
false alarm, still single
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize