Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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