I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
