I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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