my phone needs a breathalizer
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize