i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
