I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
