There is no way he is gay with that hair.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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