I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
