I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
