I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
