just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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