Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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