dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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