K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize