When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
