at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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