just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
