She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize