if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
