Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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