there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize