pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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