You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
